NOT toothless

The dentist said my teeth were in amazing shape, considering what I had been through, and that all he needed to do for me was to file down the sharp edges. WOOHOO I was in and out in less then an hour and it only cost me $75. It was good news indeed.

Today was my first day back on Seattle Sutton's. I forgot how WONDERFUL it is to NOT have to THINK about food. The food is prepared in the correct portions and it tastes reallllllly good. I take the time to label all of my meals with the day of the week so I don't even have to think about what to eat when. Every time I try it I wind up losing up to 10 pounds the first week. I just need to jump start the weight loss.

I have found a home in a yoga class with a teacher I love. I have 2 more weeks left of my groupon and then it is off to fitness bootcamp. Indoors this time! After that, I have another 4 week groupon for a yoga studio closer to my house. I have a long journey ahead of me, but this is a good journey. I plan to keep my head up and looking forward. The last long journey I took was the ucky kind, this is the good kind.

Head Down

They keep yelling at me in bootcamp to run with my head up. I find myself looking down at the path directly in front of me. I find that I prefer to see the steps in front of me then to look up and realize I am not even close to the end of my journey. It seems to be a habit I developed while doing the whole BC thing. Rather then realize that the whole process of 3 surgeries, 8 doses of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation, would take a whole year to complete, I tried to think of just one thing at a time. How much longer to the next procedure? How many doses had I completed and how many I had remaining. By keeping my eyes on only the next procedure/dose/step, I was able to stay focused and not panic. It is the same when I am working out. By keeping my eyes focused on the next few steps I can keep going at my slow but steady pace.

I am not the fastest, but I always finish, even if it is in last place. I accept this. The other thing that helps motivate me is the fact that I am almost twice as old as everyone else in the class. I could be their mother. Considering my age, condition and myriad of medical issues, I think I am doing pretty damned good. I hope to use this momentum to keep going and lose some serious weight. I sat on my fat ass long enough for 3 people, so it is time to get moving and stay moving.

What does having breast cancer feel like?

Shortly before I went in for my surgical consult, my friend Holly insisted I make a list of all the "symptoms" and issues I was having with my body. By having all of the information, the doctors would be better able to provide a diagnosis and provide better care. Some of the "symptoms" were not necessarily signs of breast cancer, but things I noted were "wrong" with my body. It didn't dawn on me that anyone else might have wondered how it actually felt to "have cancer" until someone actually asked me point blank what it felt like to have breast cancer. So, this is a list of my "signs/symptoms" and in no way reflects the actual signs or symptoms of breast cancer. In making the list, it was interesting to note that a great deal of my "symptoms" were present long before I was told that I had a bad lump in my left breast. That said, this is the list, for what it is worth.

I have had difficulty breathing for the last 3 months. I blame the doctor who took me off my allergy meds as he had previously told me I showed signs of allergy induced asthma.

Nausea. This has been going on the longest. I actually accused my roommate of "making the house reek of chocolate" when she baked cupcakes. This actually scared the piss out of me. I lost almost all interest in food for the past 4 months and nothing tastes that good. I eat what I can, when I can and it tends to be high carb comfort foods.

Issues with bowel movements. Apparently that started about the time I was notified. I either don't poop at all for days or it is golf balls and peas. (SORRY TMI!)

Dizziness. This has been going on a month longer then the phone call. When I stand up I get dizzy. I have attributed this to allergies, clogged ears and vertigo type symptoms.

Extreme fatigue. This has been going on the longest, or for 6 months. I would liken it to when I had mono. It is a feeling like you are swimming underwater and not getting anywhere. I am in bed most nights by 8:30 and although I am awake at 6:00, I am tired within minutes of waking up.

Gas/Belching. This has been going on for the same 2 months as the dizziness. I don't know that they are related, but it started before the phone call. I belch constantly and rather loudly. Most of the straight guys I know are actually rather impressed.

For the last 4 months I have had a great deal of trouble sleeping. This is pre-phone call and I blame stress and the fact I do not have a "real job".

Menstrual cramps and severe bleeding. This has been going on for a year and it reminds me of when I was in high school and used to have to take a day off school every month because I could not move without pain. I am throwing clots that are the size of a quarter and will bleed for up to 11 days. The doctors are concerned, and have ruled out uterus cancer, but have not decided what to do about this. This entire whoha issue has been shuffled to the back burner but will have to be addressed on V day.