Not sleeping

As I lay in bed, tossing and turning last night, I began to think about the article I had read that said the hot flashes stop when your body stops producing estrogen. So, if I am in chemically induced menopause and my body has not gone through actual menopause, this could go on for YEEEAAAARRRRSSS! Seriously, the meds are a 5 year deal and then I have to hope like hell my body goes ahead and does the real menopause before the end of the 5 year period. I talked to the pharmacist and the oncologist and they both stated they were concerned that I finish the full 5 years of hormone therapy. They both stated that the vast majority of women tend to quit before the end of the 5 years because they cannot take the side effects. NO SHIT! I have not been sleeping well for weeks and while the acupuncture helps take the edge off, it is not working as well as it used to. I have tried going back to the sleeping meds now and then, but they no longer seem to work.

I am just trying to hang in there......by a thread! This too shall pass like a kidney stone.

NOT toothless

The dentist said my teeth were in amazing shape, considering what I had been through, and that all he needed to do for me was to file down the sharp edges. WOOHOO I was in and out in less then an hour and it only cost me $75. It was good news indeed.

Today was my first day back on Seattle Sutton's. I forgot how WONDERFUL it is to NOT have to THINK about food. The food is prepared in the correct portions and it tastes reallllllly good. I take the time to label all of my meals with the day of the week so I don't even have to think about what to eat when. Every time I try it I wind up losing up to 10 pounds the first week. I just need to jump start the weight loss.

I have found a home in a yoga class with a teacher I love. I have 2 more weeks left of my groupon and then it is off to fitness bootcamp. Indoors this time! After that, I have another 4 week groupon for a yoga studio closer to my house. I have a long journey ahead of me, but this is a good journey. I plan to keep my head up and looking forward. The last long journey I took was the ucky kind, this is the good kind.

Toothless

I do not recall them telling me that undergoing chemo would result in the possible loss of my teeth. I have ALWAYS had good teeth all my life. I wound up having a root canal while living at the nursing home during radiation, but I chalked that up to a freak occurrence. Now, almost a year and a half after completing chemo my teeth are starting to crack and break. I have finally scheduled an appointment with a dentist, but at $1500 per cap or crown, saving my teeth may not be financially possible. I REFUSE to get a mouth full of false teeth and would kill myself before I would go toothless. It was bad enough when I lost a tooth in the back of my upper jaw due to a botched root canal by a dentist who shouldn't have been performing a root canal in the first place, but I will be damned if I will lose any more.

I have no idea what my options are, but, like the car, I am taking my mouth into the dentist to have him take a look under the hood. I am keeping my fingers crossed that there is a way to keep them. I will look into the idea of veneers? or caps? All I can think is $$$$$$$$

Being a survivor

When I was first diagnosed and treated, I had no idea what a survivor went through. After finishing all of my treatments it still felt odd to have others refer to me as a "survivor". It is now, only 2 years later, that I am finally able to look back at the road I traveled and marvel at the fact I did survive.

I take pride in being a member of this horribly elite club. What is it that Groucho Marx said, "I don't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member"? This is not a club anyone wants to join, but for those of us unwilling members who make it to the end, we are stronger for our journey.

It is especially at this time of year, that being around the time of my birthday, that I begin to wax nostalgic at my journey and actually find myself missing being able to use my, "I am just not up to it" excuse that was a small perk available for riding the "gravy train" of cancer and chemo.

It also makes me wonder if I get credit for the times I "survived" having to deal with family trauma-drama? I guess not. Apparently everyone has family issues but only some of us have those issues exacerbated by internal medical issues. Oh well, this too shall pass......like a kidney stone.