I am working

My feet still hurt at the end of the day. My hips still hurt when I try to sleep on my side, more to follow, due to the amount of time I spent in a prone position. I am still totally, completely and utterly exhausted at the end of a long day, but I am working. I am glad to a) still be around to work, b) able to work, c) have a job to work at, and d) making enough to pay the rent by myself because apparently my roomie cannot be bothered....very heavy sigh!

Kidding, right??

The women's health clinic at the VA called me very concerned because I was wayyyyyyyy (yes, emphasis on way) long overdue for a pap smear......really? So the biopsy they did on my uteras a year and a half ago didn't count? My GP said the last thing he was worried about were the possible results from a pap smear. Evidently, that did not translate to his staff.

Again, whoever said that noone ever died from a hot flash obviously never had one. In researching the issue on the internet, it appears that acupuncture may be the answer. I am willing to try anything that doesn't involve taking more pills or vitamins.

Do I care too much?

Do I spend too much time worrying about my friends and their needs? Do I not spend enough time dealing with my own issues? A friend of mine did not show up for work again today making it two days in a row. I am not her mother or her keeper but I can't help worry about the fact she may get fired for this. She may have valid medical excuses or some other valid excuse, but why do I worry? I worry about my friends who have lost loved ones. I am working on getting my sister's baby shower under way (she is due in July!). I worry about things I think I should be doing for the board of directors for the Evanston Festival Theatre. I mull over the fact that I have not cooked dinner for any number of different friends over the past few weeks, yet it is not my job to feed them and they did not call me looking for a meal. I worried that Michael would have a great birthday even though he was living with his father and brother.

I guess I should worry less about others and maybe focus on me. Oh wait, I have wayyyyy too many self issues....it is safer looking outwards....LOL

Manis and pedis and hair, oh my!

I think that I am ()this close to being able to get a pedicure! No one can possibly imagine how much I want and need a pedicure! I KNOW, TMI! I have given up on the fingernails. My hair is doing its own thing right now but the curls are beginning to relax. I am seriously thinking about a haircut/trim!

Roommates

My attempts to adopt an older male cat to keep Miss Kitty company failed miserably this past weekend. He came, she saw, they screamed, he peed the couch, he went back!

My current roommate is quiet and seems to never be home. The only reason I have a roommate is to help pay the rent, although I have had roommates whose company I rather enjoyed.

I currently have two potential roommate options. The first is to move in with a friend who has a HUGE 3br/2bath apartment. The downside is that my rent would stay about the same. The upside is that I would have my own bathroom and great company.

The second option is the possibility of Rick moving here to split a place. The upside is that he is willing to clean and loves to cook. The down side is the tobacco use. I have to admit the spitting thing drives me insane.

Both options are very viable but one involves moving, another involves staying where I am and probably having the rent go up again, or is there a third option? What about finding a new place? The question could become that of one, two or three bedrooms?

He passed

Those who know me well will have heard me mention my friend Rick (McReynolds) more then once. His father, who was in the advanced stages of Parkinsons, has passed. I hope everyone will take a moment to send Rick positive vibes. My thoughts and prayers are with him.

On the same topic, it would seem I might have to think about the roomie situation. We had previously discussed his moving to Chicago, but only time will tell.

The update to the same old de ja vu

I spent part of the weekend in Naperville talking to mom. I realized on the train ride out there that I was going for reasons that were more selfish then giving. I needed to discuss this with her because the issue hit so close to home. I am glad I went and I believe she is glad I went as well.

The one thing that we discussed in detail was the fact that the doctor told her to go ahead and have the double mastectomy (so no chemo or rad.) and she would be back up and running around in a few weeks so she could have the surgery before she left for Rome. REALLY?? I explained that while the wounds might be closed up and the scars healing, if she was planning to go on vacation without anyone else to help, it was possible she wasn't going be able to carry her purse, let alone get her luggage out of overhead and carry it all over Rome! Vacation means shopping and how would she be able to carry all her tourist crap?

Thank you all for your words of support. It is what it is and we are all back down off the ledge of panic and fear. At least she had the decency to wait until I was done with all my treatments...LOL I keep telling her she might just be doing all this for the attention.

Unfortunately

This may not be the way my mom wants the world to find out, but her tests came back positive. My heart goes out to her and I offered to be there for her on Friday, when she meets with the doctors, but it seems she thinks I am a bit too...over the top? reactionary? like a freight train running a downhill slope? I have to say, as I ranted on to my sister, I guess I could see her point. Anyone who knows me, and loves me anyways, knows that I am...a "passionate" person. Yes, I am passionate. I just hope she knows I will be there to whatever degree she needs me to be AND I will throw in a prayer or two for her.

The huge things

After I finished posting yesterday it dawned on me that it appeared I had blown over the huge things by focusing on the little things. By huge things, I mean the people and things, that to me, made a huge difference in my life last year. Every single person who took me to or from chemo, or who took care of me over a chemo weekend, that was HUGE in my book. My sister Amy was my angel without whom I would not have been able to do anything last year. It reminds me of that footprints on the sand story and trust me, hers were the primary footsteps. I really do now know what I would have done without her help. I felt like I left things unsaid because those who were there with me knew that they had my undying gratitude. It took a village to raise this idiot.

The technology ledge and the little things

I started my day yesterday by stepping back off the crackberry ledge and pulling my head out of my butt. For anyone who knows me well, and loves me anyways, they know I am not allowed to buy technology without adult supervision. Ian needed a new phone because his was broken. I wanted a new phone so I could access my email when I am out and about because the temp world is getting over crowded and I need to be able to respond to job offers much more quickly then I could in the past.

I started with the idea in mind that I needed a phone without a camera. Cameras are not allowed in the courtroom but I quickly realized I may be the only lawyer on the planet actually paying attention to that rule. Also, if I am at a courthouse that won't let my phone in, I drove there and I can leave it in the car. I was talked into buying a crackberry with the understanding that I could do so many things I would soon be addicted.

Wrong answer keebler! Giving me a crackberry was the equivalent of giving a newly licensed driver the keys to a semi truck and telling them to figure it out. I knew I was in wayyyyy over my head the second I left that store. Long story short, I spent hours trying to figure it out and only managed to figure out that I needed a different phone. I have a new phone with bells and whistles and I am figuring it out much faster then I had hoped. I even figured out how to download an app for that, if only I could figure out how to launch the app.

Yesterday, after straightening up the cell phone debacle in a record 1.5 hours (I brought the guy at the store a hot cocoa from Starbucks and told him to settle in for a long and bumpy ride), I picked up a few things at the store and settled in for a long veg on the couch. I came to realize that for the new year I was truly grateful for the little things and the people that do them. Just a few things that came to mind were:

My roommate cleaning the house and emptying the dishwasher for me when I was too busy between work and Ian.
Nikka for letting me use her car to accomplish things I need to go someplace to get it done.
Becky for showing me that you can rough chop your veggies for a soup and then make it creamy by simply putting it in the food processor instead of fine chopping the veggies and adding cream.
My brother Tom for giving even when he may not be able to afford it.
My dear friend Robert for being willing to take a spare set of keys (that came in uber handy when Ian took my set home to Texas).
My friend JW texting or calling out of the blue just to check up on me, although the texts may come early and I still have trouble turning off the text notification.
Ian for telling me that no matter what crap his dad says about me, he won't believe it.

Stuff like this may seem small but means the world to me.

It's a new one!

I read somewhere that almost half, if not more, of a group of people who were polled said that this past year was by far the worst year in a long time. With unemployment rates skyrocketing, homes being foreclosed in huge numbers and the economy tanking the way it did, it is a wonder anyone who did not formerly have billions in the bank survived to tell the tale.

As we ALL know, this past year for me was a bad year, medically speaking. Technically it all began in '08, but the vast majority of my medical issues consumed 2009. With that said, I am still thankful to be alive, glad I got the girls reduced and happy to have lost a few pounds. I am not happy about the whole hair thing, but it is saving me TONS on haircare and maintenance. (Yes folks, still riding that gravy train!)

I am happy to report I am starting the new year with a new phone and a temp gig that should last at least a day or two into the new year. It is always nice to go into a new year with a pending paycheck!

The bad news, or alternatively, the other shoe, is the fact that my mother is awaiting the results of her needle biopsy. They found a small lump in her breast and she had the biopsy on Wednesday. Because of the holiday, she will not have her results until Monday, at the earliest. The good news is that neither her mammogram nor her biopsy were so clearly definitive that performing the actual lab analysis were merely part of the protocol. In my case, even I could tell from the mammo and the biopsy results that my news was bad right away. The lump was obvious to a legally blind person on the mammogram and the lab tech told me that while healthy cells are pink and float, cancer cells are white and sink. I was immediately informed that I had, "...a lot of sinkers".

I had described in detail what they do for the "needle biopsy" (NEEDLE MY ASS) and how it was more like a rotorooter. Those who read the post regarding this whole nightmare are fully aware that this was a highly disturbing thing to endure. My mother said that my recitation of the facts and issues, in addition to a graphic description of the procedure, were spot on and she actually found herself chuckling through the procedure. The lab tech said my description of the thing as a rotorooter was the best she had heard.

Let's all be thankful we pulled out of the last year in reasonably good shape and keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers. NOONE should have to go through this.

Back to work!

I am back to work for this week, but not a clue on the planet as to whether or not I will still be employed next week. I am taking it one day at a time! I do not mind working and a new project means the brain has to actually engage in the thinking process.

I am putting this out there...all I want for my upcoming bday is a copy of "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" by Julie Child. I would prefer a hardcover and would not mind a used one.

Tis the season

I am loving having Ian home with me for a few days. This week he is staying at my sister's in Downers Grove and visiting his friends in Naperville. DG is much closer to Narnia then Edgewater and Mark has a huge TV and gaming system. Yeah, it was a tough call being forced to stay with Mark and Jean. Ian was a bit shocked by my appearance, but says I look pretty good for having battled breast cancer. His being here reminds me that I am grateful for my family and friends and also reminds me that I had to have done something right to have raised such a good kid.

OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!

After hitting the post office hard, I stopped by a few places to pick up a few things for the holidays. One of my stops was to the Card Party Outlet to pick up a gift bag for a bottle of wine. The price was $.99 and it was on sale 20% off. After he rung me up he took a further discount making the purchase a grand total of $.74 cents with tax. Go me, right? It was as I was leaving that I noticed a small sign by the register stating it was senior citizens discount day. When I got home I looked at my receipt. Oh yes he did! REALLY???!???

Hot flashes and a warm cat

That is how you survive a winter night in Chicago when the heat goes off! The building had boiler issues last night and it was chilly in my apartment. I took a hot shower and wore flannel jammies to bed and the inside temp was 57 deg. when I went to bed at 10. I was even a bit chilly during the hot flashes, but they served to warm me up. The heat was back on by the time I got up this morning and I awoke to find Miss Kitty wrapped around the radiator in my room, which apparently gets warm just at the base. I don't turn the radiator in my room on ever because the rest of the apartment is usually warm enough to keep the frost at bay and I like it a bit chilly.

My hands and feet seem to have returned to the numb and tingly phase I thought I was over, but it might just be the holiday workout they received for baking a gianormous amount of holiday baked goods!

My eyebrows

I must start off this post by saying it is nice to have hair again. My head is not as cold as it was while I was bald. I had hoped against hope it would come in the beautiful red color I had paid dearly for, but alas, it came back as grey as it was before. The weird thing is that it started out completely silver and it has changed to more of a grey color. Additionally, it seems there are more dark hairs in there then before and the pepper/salt ratio appears to be increasing, albeit slightly.

That said, my eyebrows have grown back as well. They are much lighter then they used to be, but it beats being bald and eyebrowless. The first hairs to grow back were actually the few black hairs on my chin. (Not even close to a TMI!) Now I appear to have a few black hairs growing in my eyebrows. It is almost noticeable in the mirror (as opposed to viewing through a magnification mirror in my hand) and I must say it is a little off puttng. I am glad to have hair for the winter, so we shall just have to see where it all winds up.

My toenails (TMI alert)

My fingernails are grown out enough to get a manicure, but my nails have always been crappy so it is almost a waste of money and I never seem to have 10 longish nails at the same time.

My toenails are not grown out enough to get a pedicure yet and MAN OH MAN I could use a pedicure. I know, wants and needs, but I realllllllllly need a pedicure.

I sit corrected.

In further reading, I came to realize that my blood pressure meds do not tend to effect my cholesterol, but rather, tend to elevate the blood sugar levels. So, as it stands, my anti-hormones are likely causing my cholesterol to spike and my blood pressure meds likely effect my blood sugar levels. So it begs the question, which is worse the disease or the cure?

I did not know...

On Monday, Dr. Murdock, my GP, took one look at my bloodwork and had a cow. My white and hemoglobin are within "normal" range, although my hemoglobin went down again, but my cholesteral was through the roof. It has always been a bit high, but this was off the charts. I received a 20 minute lecture on not eating right, during which time I swore up and down my diet had not changed and I was back on fruits and veggies. I went home questioning every bite I ate over the past 6 months.

Yesterday, in a weird twist of fate, I stumbled across an article which said that estrogen is, in part, responsible for regulating cholestral in women and that women in prime fertility years tend to have the lowest cholestral ratings in women. When the estrogen goes down, as in menopause or anti-hormone therapy, the cholesteral levels tend to shoot up. Also, my blood pressure meds may be contributing to it as well. Who knew???

Happy day after!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving day feast that couldn't be beat! I hosted roomie and friends for supper so we had one turkey, one Rowandan, one Muslim, two Americans and one Pole. It was wonderful. Now to consume all the leftovers. I have to say I was extremely grateful for the all of the support I received from family and friends this year and glad to be finished with all my treatments.

For the holidays this year I will officially be backing stolen, fruit cake and fudge. For the locals, if there is something you reallllly want me to make, I will take small requests for special items. So, mom, dad, Amy, Robert, Jean, Mark, unborn fetus, etc.....ask away! I will only be shipping fruitcake, fudge and stolen to NM and VA, you know who you are, so if anyone else wants some, send cash for postage....LOL

I go in for my annual physical Monday and for follow-up blood work. Dr. B was concerned about my white count. I will post an update when I have any news to post.