A very heavy sigh

Got a call this afternoon informing me that surgery for tomorrow was cancelled. No clue if or when I will be rescheduled for, but considering the radiation and chemo are on hold until after the surgery, one would think....

The countdown

As "horrible" as the last surgery was, I have found myself counting down the minutes until the next one. I CAN NOT WAIT to have the girls reduced. As much as I want to lose weight as well, I NEED to lose some boob!

Good news

My sister's "lump" is said to have acted like a cyst so it is totally benign....I am soooooooooooo relieved.

And the winner is.......

Amy has volunteered to come and stay with me a few days until I get back on my feet. Amy was not only the first to respond to my request for assistance, she was THE ONLY ONE to respond. Well then, nuf said.

The dilema

My downsizing surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, Dec. 30. I will be kept over night and then released from the hospital on Wednesday, Dec. 31. What this means is that I get the pleasure of screwing up some one's NYE party plans. I have called no one and told no one of the date, well, except for the boys from the bar. Why do I feel like total shit for having to impose my recovery on someone else's holiday plans? I will start calling around this afternoon, but you must KNOW I hate making the phone calls.

A downside to free tits

Yes, there is always a downside and remember, nothing comes for free. The "catch" to having the surgery done, is that it has to be done at the VA hospital. That, in and of itself, is not the scary part. Apparently, they do not do downsizing to order. In other words, the size I am when I am finished........whatever it turns out to be........LOL

So, they may be perky, but they may be too small. YES, too small. Can you see my semi non-petite body with tiny tits?? Really?? So much for buying bras ahead of time so I have something to wear to go outside with......LOL

An updated update

My follow-up with the surgeon went well today and he says I am healing fantastically. I go back tomorrow to see the plastic surgeon for the downsizing issue and HE will schedule my follow-up surgery in order to downsize the girls to a much more manageable work force....LOL

My sister goes in for her needle thing on Mon. so send those positive vibes her way for a while!!

An update

The good news is that my job is NOT requiring me to work 50 hours per week and only requires 40. That the office is open from 7am to 9pm gives me a great deal of flexibility in how I get those hours in as well.

As for the boobs, my follow-up with the first surgeon is tomorrow. The scars seem to be healing well, although my boob is very swollen. I had NO idea how much they moved til they operated on one of them and now every time I move too quickly it is like a sharp stabbing pain. So, I walk slowly and carry a big boob.

Down sizing (or is that one word?)

In light of recent issues concerning the economic crisis, I have decided that instead of doing "reconstruction/breast reduction" surgery, I would opt to have the girls downsized to a more economic work force level.

In addition, the fabric I will save by buying much smaller bras will provide clothing to as least one small third world country.....right???

REALLY? BC and the sister

My sister (the nice/kind one) informed me the other day that her boobs were being recalled as well. It seems they did not like the looks of her first set of mammograms on her right boob so they brought her back for more. They have completed the second series and are now sending her for a needle aspiration. I believe mine was called specifically a needle biopsy, but it may have been referred to as an aspiration. IF it is a cyst, they would send her for a needle procedure to drain the cyst...maybe???

Well, if she needs someone there to hold her hand, I have been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. She won't need a reduction so we may be going through this together. NOT my idea of quality sister bonding! :-(

hmmmmm.....

Just a note, I did not receive a single get well card (not counting the 2 I received very early on, one being from mom) or flowers following surgery. My inner circle was there with their incessant texts and actual hugs, but from....oh say family in other states?....not a word...hmmm

A very long day.......or there and back again

My day started at 6:15 am when I officially got out of bed. I was up at 4:47 am (gotta love digital clocks) to pee. My roommate offered me a ride the night before saying that no one should have to take 2 trains and a bus to their breast cancer surgery. After discovering the driver's side door was frozen shut, we managed to get her in the car to start it (manual transmission) and between the two of us, managed to lock the keys in the running vehicle. YES, only me :-)
Screaming "PLAN B" I ran back upstairs and grabbed my cash from court the day before and caught a cab.

Arriving at Loyola at 7:20 am, I was taken to a room and forced to strip down to nothing. In exchange, I was given booties and two gowns. I was impressed that they had security come and inventory my few possessions (cash for cab, DL, book and reading glasses, and phone) and take custody of them.

My first trip was to the boob clinic to place the guide wire for the surgeon. I was taken in an ambulance, no lights and sirens (very heavy sigh) because the facilities were in another building. The guide wire is placed using mammograms to guide the doctor. Unlike the usual mammo, where they smash, tell you to freeze and then immediately let you go, you have to stand there until the wire is in place so the boobs were not only smashed, for like 15 minutes, they were actually bruised this time. The doctor was kind enough to autograph my boob and when the wire was placed, they covered it with a plastic dixie cup and taped it down. Asked if there was anything they could get me, my suggestion of coffee was met with laughter.

My next stop was to nuclear medicine where they were kind enough to inject radioactive dye around my nipple in 4 spots. It stung, hurt like hell, burned and was just plain rude to boot....LOL They wanted to take pictures of the dye traveling to the lymph nodes so they knew which ones to biopsy. It was funny that they asked me which boob was being worked on before proceeding. I said it was the one with the doctor's autograph and the plastic cup taped to it, he said he just wanted to be real sure they got the right one. REALLY?? I kept telling them that coffee would make the dye more faster. When, after an hour, the dye had traveled far enough, he was kind enough to initial it and have them put me in a wheel chair in the hall. You know where this is going, don't you?

After 25 minutes, I stopped two women in lab coats and asked them to check with the desk to see if they had any idea when I was going back to surgery. I let them know it was 11:45 and I was scheduled for surgery at 12:00. Someone finally came and got me and brought me back to the surgical wing. I was put into a room and told to wait until the anesthesia dude came to talk to me. Because of the dixie cup and the fact that the bed adjusted manually, I had to sit back in a chair and put my feet up on the bed until I could flag a nurse to adjust the bed and bring me a blanket. Those hospital gowns are NOT warm....LOL Asked if there was anything else she could get me, my request for coffee was met with a frown.

I was informed that I was #5 of 5 and that #3 was in the OR as we spoke. Because #4 was present in the hospital, I would likely go up to surgery around 2:00pm ish. Shortly thereafter, or as soon as the nurse got my bed adjusted and brought me a blanket, I was informed that #4 had passed out so I was next up. I was brought to pre-op, where I was quick to inform the nurse that I wanted coffee to the IV drip and to tell post op to have it ready when I woke up. She just laughed. The knock out dude (not gonna try and spell it again) quickly hooked me up to happy drugs and the next thing I knew, I was waking up feeling like I got hit by a bus. We were out of Loyola by 5:00 pm ish.

My sister Amy, God bless her, was there when I woke up and she helped me get dressed and procure my stuff from security. She was also able to procure a coke for me as I was tired and hungry. The one reallllly good thing was that I woke up sans the (lack of) coffee headache I had gone to sleep with. I was sent home with scripts for pain meds. Because my meds are covered by the VA, we had to drive next door to the VA. Unfortunately, the VA will not fill prescriptions from outside sources so our next stop was the ER, where I was asked to show them the bandages and then check in. We finally left the VA, vicodin in hand (the script was for Tylenol 3 w/codeine, I guess he felt he was doing me a favor) at about 7:30 pm ish.

Before we headed home, Amy was kind enough to take me to Portillo's for a juicy Italian beef w/sweet peppers and an order of cheese fries. ANY thoughts of nausea were overridden by the stomach's desire to eat. When I was a kid, my mom used to take me out for ice-cream after a doctor visit. As an adult, I get Portillo's :-)

We made it home about 8:45 pm ish and I was in jammies and in bed by 9:00. Mom called me right before I went to bed and I handed Amy the phone. I was wiped and out of it. Besides, they told Amy everything and me nothing.

This morning I was up at 7:45 am ish and I have to admit, I don't feel all that bad. My back hurts, from laying on it all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, from the tubes, and my right boob and armpit hate me. I am up, I am mobile and I find myself muttering, "Well, that wasn't so bad." After everything I have been through, it was nice to wake up feeling ok.

YEAH! NEW BOOBS!!

It seems the VA has pulled its head from its rectum and I am APPROVED for breast cancer surgery. I went to court today in Maywood and made sure I stopped at the VA before going home and personally verified that a) the diagnostic shit was paid for, b) the cancer surgery was being paid for, c) the reconstruction surgery was pre-approved, and d) there is NO COPAY!!

They should have gone ahead and pre-approved cardiac surgery for the freakin heart attack they gave me....LOL

WOW, it sucks to be me today......Part II

Loyola Hospital called me first thing this morning to inform me that the VA had not authorized or approved of my surgery. They needed the name and phone number of my primary care physician to try and straighten this out. Apparently, no one at the VA had submitted the paperwork to get this approved. If it is not approved, I am on the hook for the entire bill. So, they have today and tomorrow to figure this out or the surgery will be postponed, again, or cancelled.

WOW, or it sucks to be me today...

For anyone who has not read the comments posted by my sister to the Thanksgiving day massacree, in 4 part harmony, it is worth the read. Apparently, no one besides my family has ever met the real me and the real me is a doozy.

So, after you read the hate mail, come on back and we can finish this post. I was not surprised to read the counter point to the whole turkey day thing. If I was warm, inside and enjoying a meal with family and friends it would have felt as mere minutes. But, being outside, cold and stalked by a homeless guy, it felt like hours. It is over with so we are back to the present, but I still cannot help but feel I must now defend myself on my own blog.

I decided, a quick list of the horribly selfish things I have done for family was in order to prove my sister right, that it was always, only, ever about me.

Everyone in my family has called me for free legal advice and I have never refused. I have referred them to local experts, when the need arose, but I never refused to answer their questions. In some cases, I have spent hours doing the research or making the calls necessary to get their answers.

When my older brother's son was in a horrible accident, I volunteered to help out. Because his wife does NOT like me, I then volunteered to keep an eye on my dad, who had medical issues at the time, so my mom could fly out and help.

When the family was concerned about my other brother's wife, I flew out there and spent a week during the holidays to help out and make sure things were ok.

I flew with my parents to visit my brother's family when he was promoted because my mother had just had surgery and my father had only very recently been diagnosed with RA. I went with so my parents could go because my mother stated she couldn't do it alone.

When my sister broke her leg, I drove her around so she could outfit her shower with a stool and get food for her fridge. As a traveling sales person, her shelves were bare. Also, I was able to take her to various appointments. That she had recently called me a total loser for being unemployed didn't make me think for a second about saying no. She asked for my help and I gave it. YES, she bought me lunch and coffee, and I was thankful, but I would have done the same for anyone.

So, maybe I am a horrible person, but I don't set out to say things just to hurt people. I am not using my "cancer license" to spew venom, I am simply stating how I feel. It hurt that my sister would even imply that the family thought I was lying about even being at the train station. My entire train ride home was spent sobbing.