Head Down

They keep yelling at me in bootcamp to run with my head up. I find myself looking down at the path directly in front of me. I find that I prefer to see the steps in front of me then to look up and realize I am not even close to the end of my journey. It seems to be a habit I developed while doing the whole BC thing. Rather then realize that the whole process of 3 surgeries, 8 doses of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation, would take a whole year to complete, I tried to think of just one thing at a time. How much longer to the next procedure? How many doses had I completed and how many I had remaining. By keeping my eyes on only the next procedure/dose/step, I was able to stay focused and not panic. It is the same when I am working out. By keeping my eyes focused on the next few steps I can keep going at my slow but steady pace.

I am not the fastest, but I always finish, even if it is in last place. I accept this. The other thing that helps motivate me is the fact that I am almost twice as old as everyone else in the class. I could be their mother. Considering my age, condition and myriad of medical issues, I think I am doing pretty damned good. I hope to use this momentum to keep going and lose some serious weight. I sat on my fat ass long enough for 3 people, so it is time to get moving and stay moving.