Monday, June 22, 2009

Overwhelmed...

This weekend I had a pity party for one. Friday night it poured and the wind knocked down half of the tree in front of the house. Between the storm and the city outside cutting the trees in the road up to let the fire trucks pass, it was a dark and stormy night. Saturday night, as I was getting ready to go to bed at 9:30, I smelled what I thought to be something burning on the porch. When I went outside to check it out, I came back in to discover the power was out. Going outside, it was obvious that the power was out for blocks. So, it was a dark and not stormy night but I find it difficult to sleep without my fan going so it was another rough evening.

For those who don't know, my desktop computer crashed. I was thrilled I had the laptop for back-up, but the laptop does not want to acknowledge the existence of the internet. I want to say the wi fi card is missing(?) and every time I try to boot up the wi fi, the system reboots. I tried plugging it into the external modem so it could use my broadband connection, but it seems my laptop is only acknowledging the existence of wi fi and dial-up. So, I am at the library typing this to try and stay in touch.

It also seems that the paperwork I sent to Cleveland, which I was told I would need to send after waiting on hold forever to speak to a live person, to start my share of Cliff's retirement, was not the correct paperwork so that could now take months to work out.

This week is my last dose of chemo and I am planning to spend it alone. I have tolerated the last few doses of the new chemo and after the last weekend, I don't know that I am up to hosting "help" for the weekend....LOL

About 4 weeks after my last dose, I have to start radiation therapy. This involves going to the VA 5 days a week for 5 weeks. I have no car and the trip is about 2-2.5 hours each way on public transportation. I am supposed to be able to check into the nursing home on the grounds but was recently informed that I might not qualify.

My lease is up on Sept. 1 and unless I can find another roommate, I have to move as I cannot afford the place on my own. The thought of moving right after I finish all my therapy is in and of itself overwhelming.

Add up the jobless situation, chemo, radiation, retirement, no car, broke and probably having to pack and move very soon, and you can see where I might feel a bit overwhelmed. It seems that everything I could do to help, i.e. job hunt, apartment hunt, etc., could be done online, but it is hard to do it in the 60 minutes a day I have at the public library.

3 comments:

SnarkAngel said...

Hey, sweets ... if you DO need anything this weekend, give me a buzz! XOXOXO

Becky said...

You know you can come and use my machine and internet connection.

Anonymous said...

Or, you can come and use our internet connection! As you know, the VA hospital in ABQ is one of the best! Hint hint You know you always have a place to stay with friends!