Do I care too much?

Do I spend too much time worrying about my friends and their needs? Do I not spend enough time dealing with my own issues? A friend of mine did not show up for work again today making it two days in a row. I am not her mother or her keeper but I can't help worry about the fact she may get fired for this. She may have valid medical excuses or some other valid excuse, but why do I worry? I worry about my friends who have lost loved ones. I am working on getting my sister's baby shower under way (she is due in July!). I worry about things I think I should be doing for the board of directors for the Evanston Festival Theatre. I mull over the fact that I have not cooked dinner for any number of different friends over the past few weeks, yet it is not my job to feed them and they did not call me looking for a meal. I worried that Michael would have a great birthday even though he was living with his father and brother.

I guess I should worry less about others and maybe focus on me. Oh wait, I have wayyyyy too many self issues....it is safer looking outwards....LOL

Manis and pedis and hair, oh my!

I think that I am ()this close to being able to get a pedicure! No one can possibly imagine how much I want and need a pedicure! I KNOW, TMI! I have given up on the fingernails. My hair is doing its own thing right now but the curls are beginning to relax. I am seriously thinking about a haircut/trim!

Roommates

My attempts to adopt an older male cat to keep Miss Kitty company failed miserably this past weekend. He came, she saw, they screamed, he peed the couch, he went back!

My current roommate is quiet and seems to never be home. The only reason I have a roommate is to help pay the rent, although I have had roommates whose company I rather enjoyed.

I currently have two potential roommate options. The first is to move in with a friend who has a HUGE 3br/2bath apartment. The downside is that my rent would stay about the same. The upside is that I would have my own bathroom and great company.

The second option is the possibility of Rick moving here to split a place. The upside is that he is willing to clean and loves to cook. The down side is the tobacco use. I have to admit the spitting thing drives me insane.

Both options are very viable but one involves moving, another involves staying where I am and probably having the rent go up again, or is there a third option? What about finding a new place? The question could become that of one, two or three bedrooms?

He passed

Those who know me well will have heard me mention my friend Rick (McReynolds) more then once. His father, who was in the advanced stages of Parkinsons, has passed. I hope everyone will take a moment to send Rick positive vibes. My thoughts and prayers are with him.

On the same topic, it would seem I might have to think about the roomie situation. We had previously discussed his moving to Chicago, but only time will tell.

The update to the same old de ja vu

I spent part of the weekend in Naperville talking to mom. I realized on the train ride out there that I was going for reasons that were more selfish then giving. I needed to discuss this with her because the issue hit so close to home. I am glad I went and I believe she is glad I went as well.

The one thing that we discussed in detail was the fact that the doctor told her to go ahead and have the double mastectomy (so no chemo or rad.) and she would be back up and running around in a few weeks so she could have the surgery before she left for Rome. REALLY?? I explained that while the wounds might be closed up and the scars healing, if she was planning to go on vacation without anyone else to help, it was possible she wasn't going be able to carry her purse, let alone get her luggage out of overhead and carry it all over Rome! Vacation means shopping and how would she be able to carry all her tourist crap?

Thank you all for your words of support. It is what it is and we are all back down off the ledge of panic and fear. At least she had the decency to wait until I was done with all my treatments...LOL I keep telling her she might just be doing all this for the attention.

Unfortunately

This may not be the way my mom wants the world to find out, but her tests came back positive. My heart goes out to her and I offered to be there for her on Friday, when she meets with the doctors, but it seems she thinks I am a bit too...over the top? reactionary? like a freight train running a downhill slope? I have to say, as I ranted on to my sister, I guess I could see her point. Anyone who knows me, and loves me anyways, knows that I am...a "passionate" person. Yes, I am passionate. I just hope she knows I will be there to whatever degree she needs me to be AND I will throw in a prayer or two for her.

The huge things

After I finished posting yesterday it dawned on me that it appeared I had blown over the huge things by focusing on the little things. By huge things, I mean the people and things, that to me, made a huge difference in my life last year. Every single person who took me to or from chemo, or who took care of me over a chemo weekend, that was HUGE in my book. My sister Amy was my angel without whom I would not have been able to do anything last year. It reminds me of that footprints on the sand story and trust me, hers were the primary footsteps. I really do now know what I would have done without her help. I felt like I left things unsaid because those who were there with me knew that they had my undying gratitude. It took a village to raise this idiot.

The technology ledge and the little things

I started my day yesterday by stepping back off the crackberry ledge and pulling my head out of my butt. For anyone who knows me well, and loves me anyways, they know I am not allowed to buy technology without adult supervision. Ian needed a new phone because his was broken. I wanted a new phone so I could access my email when I am out and about because the temp world is getting over crowded and I need to be able to respond to job offers much more quickly then I could in the past.

I started with the idea in mind that I needed a phone without a camera. Cameras are not allowed in the courtroom but I quickly realized I may be the only lawyer on the planet actually paying attention to that rule. Also, if I am at a courthouse that won't let my phone in, I drove there and I can leave it in the car. I was talked into buying a crackberry with the understanding that I could do so many things I would soon be addicted.

Wrong answer keebler! Giving me a crackberry was the equivalent of giving a newly licensed driver the keys to a semi truck and telling them to figure it out. I knew I was in wayyyyy over my head the second I left that store. Long story short, I spent hours trying to figure it out and only managed to figure out that I needed a different phone. I have a new phone with bells and whistles and I am figuring it out much faster then I had hoped. I even figured out how to download an app for that, if only I could figure out how to launch the app.

Yesterday, after straightening up the cell phone debacle in a record 1.5 hours (I brought the guy at the store a hot cocoa from Starbucks and told him to settle in for a long and bumpy ride), I picked up a few things at the store and settled in for a long veg on the couch. I came to realize that for the new year I was truly grateful for the little things and the people that do them. Just a few things that came to mind were:

My roommate cleaning the house and emptying the dishwasher for me when I was too busy between work and Ian.
Nikka for letting me use her car to accomplish things I need to go someplace to get it done.
Becky for showing me that you can rough chop your veggies for a soup and then make it creamy by simply putting it in the food processor instead of fine chopping the veggies and adding cream.
My brother Tom for giving even when he may not be able to afford it.
My dear friend Robert for being willing to take a spare set of keys (that came in uber handy when Ian took my set home to Texas).
My friend JW texting or calling out of the blue just to check up on me, although the texts may come early and I still have trouble turning off the text notification.
Ian for telling me that no matter what crap his dad says about me, he won't believe it.

Stuff like this may seem small but means the world to me.

It's a new one!

I read somewhere that almost half, if not more, of a group of people who were polled said that this past year was by far the worst year in a long time. With unemployment rates skyrocketing, homes being foreclosed in huge numbers and the economy tanking the way it did, it is a wonder anyone who did not formerly have billions in the bank survived to tell the tale.

As we ALL know, this past year for me was a bad year, medically speaking. Technically it all began in '08, but the vast majority of my medical issues consumed 2009. With that said, I am still thankful to be alive, glad I got the girls reduced and happy to have lost a few pounds. I am not happy about the whole hair thing, but it is saving me TONS on haircare and maintenance. (Yes folks, still riding that gravy train!)

I am happy to report I am starting the new year with a new phone and a temp gig that should last at least a day or two into the new year. It is always nice to go into a new year with a pending paycheck!

The bad news, or alternatively, the other shoe, is the fact that my mother is awaiting the results of her needle biopsy. They found a small lump in her breast and she had the biopsy on Wednesday. Because of the holiday, she will not have her results until Monday, at the earliest. The good news is that neither her mammogram nor her biopsy were so clearly definitive that performing the actual lab analysis were merely part of the protocol. In my case, even I could tell from the mammo and the biopsy results that my news was bad right away. The lump was obvious to a legally blind person on the mammogram and the lab tech told me that while healthy cells are pink and float, cancer cells are white and sink. I was immediately informed that I had, "...a lot of sinkers".

I had described in detail what they do for the "needle biopsy" (NEEDLE MY ASS) and how it was more like a rotorooter. Those who read the post regarding this whole nightmare are fully aware that this was a highly disturbing thing to endure. My mother said that my recitation of the facts and issues, in addition to a graphic description of the procedure, were spot on and she actually found herself chuckling through the procedure. The lab tech said my description of the thing as a rotorooter was the best she had heard.

Let's all be thankful we pulled out of the last year in reasonably good shape and keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers. NOONE should have to go through this.