Cutting loose the albatross

There once was a man who made my heart skip a beat every time I heard his voice. From the instant we met, I knew this was "the one". I had not even wanted to date him in the first place and had answered his blind email on AOL with trepidation. He ran very late for our first date but he had a meeting that ran over. I soon decided he was the most amazing man I had ever met. He made me feel extremely sexy, beautiful and more intelligent then I ever thought possible. He loved kids and took to my boys like a duck to water.

I mean we were talking about building a house. It was only 4 months into dating, but this was it. I now knew what love felt like. And then, for no apparent reason, and with no warning he up and disappeared from my life. He went out of town for business and said he would call back when he returned. He never called me back. His phone number was disconnected. I was beyond devastated. It took me months before I could get out of bed to do anything but work and take care of the kids. I barely took care of the kids but they were old enough to feed themselves. My world imploded.

I ran into him a year or so later and he explained that he knew he would never get married again, we were both headed in different directions and he was putting his work first. I felt better for having closeure, but it was nice to have an old friend to talk to. That was 11 or so years ago. We have kept in touch and talk maybe once a year. We always played the pretend game about possible ways to hook up and get back together, but he made no effort. I understood this would never happen, but again, he told me I deserved to be married and he was never getting married ever again in his life. Things just never worked out and the fact I told him I never wanted to get married ever again did nothing to change his mind. I did not long and pine away, but tucked away in the far recesses of my mind, there was always the spark of "what if?".

When I prepared to go to DC for the rally, I contacted him and asked if I could crash on his couch. Prior posts will let you know this did not happen, and because his adult daughter was in town, dinner or drinks didn't happen either.

I found him on Facebook a while back and sent a friend request. He never acted on it. When I mentioned this a few days again, he said it was because he wanted to talk to me before he friended me.....??????

Long story short, I called him yesterday to ask him a question and he didn't answer. I didn't bother to leave a message and took it as a sign. Sometimes we do stupid things when we are sad. I was pleasantly surprised that he bothered to call me back and felt my heart skip that same old beat. During the course of the conversation, I was informed he had married the woman he said he was no longer dating, but who reminded him of me. Kind of like a poor imitation of me. She even had red hair. My ego is now crushed, but wait, it gets better.

He went on to tell me he is not happy with his marriage choice and says he made a mistake. He implies he regrets not marrying me. I am sad, I am hurt and I am somewhat relieved. I came to realize he was my romantic albatross and we all know how that worked out for the ancient mariner. I am considering this a chance to wipe the slate clean and start from scratch. I wish him the best of luck and a happy life as I delete his contact info. Remain friends my ass!