It bit me!

I have been feeding the squirrels on the ledge outside my window since I moved in. We call it, "The Nature Show" on "Cat TV". Miss Kitty loves to pretend she might actually catch one! She is such a wuss she wouldn't know what to do if I removed the screen! Anywho, it bit me. I know better then to put peanuts out on the ledge when the squirrel is around, but this guy outsmarted me.

This is the same squirrel who has been tapping on my windows for the last 3 weeks and usually he takes two, YES TWO peanuts in his mouth and goes away to bury or eat them. Apparently, the squirrel now puts them on the other side of the window that I cannot see and comes back to grab the rest of the peanuts. Yesterday, I found this out the hard way and he bit me. Scared the piss out of me, Miss Kitty and the squirrel. I bled it, washed it with betadine and put a band aid on it.

When I went to the hospital for chemo today they said the finger appeared to be fine and all the antibiotics would kill anything else he might have had going :-)
Needless to say, the little shithead will NOT be sharing my peanuts anytime soon.

Like the plague

While I was in the hospital, my father was dealing with an abscessed tooth and antibiotics that made him sicker still. Because of his age and health, they had to wait for the specialist to pull his tooth. Either way, it sucked to be him. One the day I escaped from the VA, my sister had come to see me and was surprised to find I was being let go. I ran as fast as I could for the door and she followed. Amy informed me she had to visit dad while mom was attending a birthday party for a friend that was out of town so mom would be gone for hours.

Amy inquired if I wanted to join her to see dad and I informed her it would be better if she dropped me off at home so she could spend unlimited time with dad. Amy called me later in the evening to inform me dad was rushed to the ER with what turned out to be shingles. I love my dad, but right now, I am avoiding him like the plague. The last thing I need is another infection :-(

How I spent my holiday weekend

As Becky reported in the last comments, she was called Thursday to rush me to Hines VA hospital as that thing in my neck was a pain in my neck, every pun intended. I had spent Wednesday at the VA seeing my oncologist and it didn't start really hurting until Wednesday night. OF COURSE it started hurting AFTER I saw the doctor. So, halfway through my laundry Thursday, while speaking to my friend Holly on the phone, I casually mentioned that the thing in my neck hurt. She very quickly asked if it was red and irratated looking, because she said, "Those things become infected all of the time." So, after rushing to the mirror to note the red line going from the neck almost all the way to the port in my chest, I called Becky to rush me to the VA.

One word I never thought I would hear a nurse say upon seeing the red line in my neck, "YIKES!" One look from the doctor and they were on the phone with xray to take the port out of my neck and to admit me for IV antibiotics. They drew blood and attempted to grow blood cultures. Long and short, I was kept from Thursday to Sunday. YES, I was able to ride that gravy train into 3 whole days of hospital food and round the clock nursing care. I should not forget to mention 3 whole days of mega antibiotics. While nothing grew in the blood cultures (meaning it had not spread to my blood), it did grow from the end of the cath in my neck, so apparently, I caught it almost immediately. GO FAST REACTING BODY!

I got stuck with a needle more times then a pin cushion and when go back on Thursday for chemo they will install a pic line (sp?). YEAH, more needles and poking and inserting. So, if anyone was wondering, that is how I spent my holiday weekend.

That thing in my neck

That thing in my neck hurts like hell. I don't want to complain because I am afraid they will want to take it out and reinstall it. Pooping was less disturbing than that whole process and that is saying a lot!

I also have a rash about the size of a baseball on my arm. I have no clue what is or is not an issue and I hate to keep running to the hospital like a baby. My feet and legs have started to truly feel like they "fell asleep" and they now tingle all the time in varying degrees of annoying. Of course this all started AFTER I saw the doctor so now I feel like an idiot.

I feel like I spend my days counting grams of fiber and worrying about pooping. That, and I feel like I spend my days counting the minutes until I can go to sleep. Napping on the couch is a normal thing, but I feel old and tired.

I will stop complaining now as there are tons of people that have it a ton worse then me. I just keep chanting 5 more weeks, 5 more weeks, 5 more weeks! I refuse to narrow it down to the days as it makes it too real. Being unemployed, I find it difficult to keep my mind off the whole process. I have been job hunting, but not too hard. As much as I like the idea of riding this gravy train, I can't help but think that while work would wipe me out, it would make the time pass more quickly.

Cramps and sprains

Cramps. I have cramps. I have not had cramps this bad since high school. I cannot decide if this is because I am being, I was gonna say "pushed", but I think it is more like being shoved, into menopause. I think they might be related to gastro intestinal distress. Who knows? Rhetorical question as my body is doing all sorts of weird stuff.

THANK GOD Miss Kitty appears to have only sprained her ankle last night. She fell off the sink and then slid off the toilet. She sort of limped around and acted dazed and confused. As broke as I am, I was willing to call the vet and see how much it might cost for x-rays and possibly a cast. As much as I say that she is, "just a cat", right now she is my best bud. She is up and frisky today and seems to be ok.

The new stuff

Before I get into the new stuff, I have to say that someone, who shall remain nameless, has stated that I am merely riding the "chemo gravy train" and I quit my job on purpose (it really ended, wanna see the email?) merely to collect my share of their retirement. I see my master plan has been found out, so I guess I should stop milking it...........LMAO

I did my first dose of the new stuff last week and I have to say it wasn't as bad, nausea wise, as the other stuff, but this stuff seems to make me more edgy, nervous, and sore from head to toe. The edgy nervous stuff might just be the triple shot of espresso this morning, but I really think that this is one of the side effects. My body is kinda achy from head to toe, and it hurts to sit or lay down as I can feel the creases in the sheets. I could be the princess in the pea, if she was bald and undergoing chemo....LOL

My appetite is still low but that comes mostly from the fact I cannot taste much of anything and I keep thinking, what goes in comes out.....eventually.

Ding dong,

The job is dead. Got the email from work last night and filed for unemployment today. I have never been so happy to be out of work. This will give me a chance to heal while not worrying about the rent. I will have just enough without unemployment to pay the rent for June and will be ahead then in July. A rough calculation says that between my unemployment and his retirement, he might wind up owing me a few bucks each month. Not my intent, just a bonus.

So it goes....

Certain issues appear to have at least subsided, but it doesn't mean that I look forward to each day's "adventure" in the bathroom. Nuff said.

The job appears to be dying, just not fast enough. While I appreciate the "days off", the rent must still be paid and there is no certainty to the income. Last week I worked exactly 10.4 hours....in one day. This week, it looks like there will be work for Wednesday and possibly Thursday and Friday. Considering I can work 1.5 of those days, it is not looking good.

That said, the math indicates if I am on unemployment, there is a good chance I will "break even" on child support or possibly be owed a few dollars a month. While it was never my goal in life to coast by on unemployment, there is something to be said for letting the body rest for a while.

I can afford to pay my rent on unemployment and depending on when the job ends, will be able to pay up all the utilities. I have very few "extra" expenses, and because I eat little that is fresh and not frozen (watermelon is realllllly working for me but I have to buy the baby ones and eat them in one day), I am living out of the freezer. Helps clean out the freezer prior to moving as well.

My last comment for this post is to again say THANK YOU to everyone in my life, and you know who you are, who have stood by my side and figuratively held my hair while I puked my way through chemo. Only one weekend of that so far and the next round of doses just makes your hands and feet numb and tingly. Something new and exciting to look forward to on this journey, and man, what a long strange trip it's been. Just have to keep truckin!

Food and poop

I have to keep reminding myself, even if it sounds like it might taste good, it all ends up tasting like rice cakes. Also, every single bite that goes in, must come out..........eventually, we hope!

I know I sound like a broken record, but it hit home hard this week, in more ways then one. I made tortillas and chili, cheese, salsa nachos last night. I toasted whole wheat tortillas so they were soft (no hard edges) and healthy. I topped it with chicken chili, medium nacho cheese and medium salsa. All I tasted was hot as it was just too spicy.

This morning I will consume a baby watermelon. The doc says it is ok if I wash it off with soap and water before cutting it open. It may not taste like anything, but it sure as hell will eat good!

BTW...

I totally heard Keith Olbermann in my head when I typed, "WORST WEEKEND EVERRRRR!"

Worst weekend ever! and other stuff

WORST WEEKEND EVER!
This was the roughest one. Poor JW and Lara felt helpless as I spent almost the entire weekend in bed. I threw up for the first time, but am thankful there was little in my stomach to let go of. I threw up Saturday and again on Sunday, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The meds really help, but the mucus and overall feeling of having the flu (which thank GOD I haven't seemed to catch) make it rough on the body. I kept saying I do much better on the horizontal then the vertical....LOL I have lost another few pounds and slunk below the 200 mark. Wooohoooo I guess. NOT the way I recommend to diet.

So, it was the worst of the worst as to chemo. Lara and JW were both uber attentive and made sure I wanted for nothing. I feel bad for those doing chemo duty as all I have to do is sleep and pee and push fluids. The day after Holly had duty I wound up being checked into the hospital because they sent me home with not enough nausea meds. Trust me, it is nothing that anyone does or does not do, it is simply my body rebelling, but it has to suck to be the watcher.

NO SUCH THING AS ISSUE RESOLVED!
Let's just say I spent an agonizing 2.5 hours ish on the toilet Monday. Fortunately I had decided I was not up to going to work and was able to deal with the agony at home alone, well, alone after I kicked Lara and JW out to go visit his mom....LOL Poor JW wanted to know what he could possibly do to help and Lara simply told him, leave her alone with the phone near her hand :-) Still working on that. The VA sent me home with 3 huge drums of "regular flavor" "fiber stuff". OMG, I now know what they do with the industrial waste from paper making!!! I would not feed that stuff to the enemy combatants in Gitmo!! I would, however, feed that to Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld :-)

HUMP DAY!
Today is my mid cycle check up and I am over the hump. If that last dose was the worst, then the rest of this should be a cake walk! Ok, a bad cake with crappy frosting and totally no taste walk, but you get the idea.

EATING RICE CAKES
Everything I eat pretty much tastes like nothing. I have taken to eating multigrain Cheerios because they are round and have no edges! That and the milk I put in it is pretty much it. Nothing else sounds good and NOTHING tastes like anything. Chemo kills the fast growing cells, which includes your taste buds. Drinking and eating food. That is what I miss the most.

I miss drinking!

Lara is coming to town this weekend and it brought to mind the fact that I miss being able to have a drink now and then. I don't really drink that much, never really did, but my I REALLLLLLLY miss my Friday night with the boys! I miss that glass of wine after a really rough day and I miss a good martini with dinner. Like I said, I rarely drink to excess but not being able to have a glass at all is just sad. My blood counts are such that with the new threat of swine flu and other nasty stuff, I just can't risk the exposure with the compromised immune system.

I will try to bring Lara and JW to meet the crowd at the evil tonight, but no promises.