The hair

I am totally amazed at the number of people who stop me to compliment me on my hair! I am not saying I think it looks bad, but really? When they ask me who does my hair or who cut my hair I explain it is hair by chemo. I wonder how long I can use this excuse to keep it realllllly short? So far, it is not really long enough to do anything with so the options are very limited. I am dead broke as well so hair cuts and coloring are not an option. What can I say, just riding that gravy train.

Ok, here's the deal...

The leaves are turning, the air is becoming more brisk, we are digging into our closets to find our gloves and winter hats, so it is safe to say it is that time of year again. The time when thoughts turn to stuffed birds, lighted trees, decking the halls, giving crap we can't afford to people we barely care about, but I digress.

I was thinking about Christmas cookies. I have all the candied fruit to make my usual batches of baked pieces of joy, but then it dawned on me, I don't have all the rest of the stuff. For those of you who are fans, and you know who you are, the deal is that I cannot afford to do any holiday baking this year. It isn't just the candied fruit, it is the 15 pounds of butter, 5 pounds of nuts, 4 dozen eggs, 20 pounds of sugar, you get the idea. Add to that the $30 or so I spend on containers and the $150+ I spend on postage, you can see that it is just not a doable thing this year.

So, unless someone wants to donate the $250+ to make holiday baking happen, it isn't going to happen. I am thinking I may try the stolen and fruit cake, but with the exception of one very special person, it won't be mailed anywhere and instead will be delivered to local friends only. Did I mention that when the computer crashed it took with it my master cookie list, master list of necessary ingredients and the mailing list/addresses? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing the holiday baking. I enjoy knowing that people are happy to see the boxes arrive in the mail. I will miss having a "normal" Christmas this year, but with the downturn of the economy comes the sad realization that grasshopper squares from Catherine may be a thing of the past. Just another reason to hate on the Bush administration!

Shot myself in the foot, so to speak!

I was called into work at the last minute Friday. I worked 3 hours Friday, 8.5 hours Saturday and 6.75 Sunday. Because unemployment runs through Saturday, I may have made just enough to disqualify myself for TWO weeks of unemployment with the extra money the state gives me to make child support payments. I crunched the numbers and it seems that working this weekend likely cost me $500. It will likely mess up unemployment payments for two whole weeks and I will have to likely go online and reapply. What can I say, it was worth it to get back in the saddle and it reminds me of the need to get a "real" job.

Almost forgot, tis' the season!

Let the fun and games begin! It is like deja vu all over again! It is that time of year and who can forget how much fun we had last year at this time! Dead bird and dead tree season are upon us. Tis' the season to suck it up and spend time with our "loved ones". I am looking forward to actually experiencing the holidays this year as last year was kinda a bust, to say the least. I would LOVE to host and cook the whole dead bird meal, but I am not up to putting myself in the middle of the who eats where and with whom debate that must now start. All I know is that I am glad that my ex got his family in the divorce and because I live alone in the city, I can choose to do whatever I want this year.

Stuff and hairy arm pits

I can honestly say the ONLY thing I miss about the chemo was no shaving. I know, TMI! The funny thing is that when I actually looked in the mirror yesterday I realized that the patch of hair under the armpit on the side that underwent radiation is about the size of a golf ball, while the other side is 3 times as long and wide. It is like that armpit now extends down to my bra line. It also made me realize they had stretched the skin down when they did the reduction, but it is just another weird thing.

I now have a pan of lasagna in the freezer and it seems to have been done just in time. It is now 12:46pm and as of 10:45 they had changed the start time of my new project to 3:00pm today. Fortunately, Nikka (who lives next door) is working as well so we can ride in together. Misery loves it some company! I am not complaining that they keep changing the date and time, but the emotional yo-yo crap is tough on the spirit. Again, it is not confirmed but I may or may not be working for one weekend, this weekend, project to end on Sunday...who knows?!? All I do know is that will likely screw up my unemployment and I will wind up making less.

All the news...

Yesterday was a visit with Dr. B, who says I seem to be doing well, but she is concerned that my white count was down a bit since my last blood work, last month. It is still "normal", but it went down so she is scratching her head. Dr. B also confirmed what Becky's mom said about being "tired" or bone weary for months following radiation. I feel like I did at the end of chemo, but only at night. I don't seem to feel as tired during the day, but the minute my ass hits the couch after dinner, I am toast. This, like shingles, could go on for almost a year after radiation. Like I said, the good thing is I seem to be ok while I am moving, but just crash at the end of the day.

I went to the dentist today and they put an actual filling into the root canal tooth after finishing (?) the root canal?? They just seemed to keep drilling on it and I think this was their fourth or fifth go at it. Either way, it was deemed "finished" and I was told to get a crown. Between the intake work and the crown, it should cost me about $650 at the UIC dental school. That is on my list of shit to do after the paychecks start coming again.

Roommate issue is still up in the air and I re posted the ad. I have 2 possible people coming to look at the place in the next 2 days and we shall just have to see. Tomorrow is the radiologist and then I am done until I seem my regular doc next month for my annual physical.

Of course...

the potential roomie was told that they had yet to conduct a background check so it would be another week before they could let her know if they could even offer her the job. So, that means I have to hit the ground running again and start posting my ad. It would have been too nice and too easy so of course it won't work...LOL

I have had 2 calls about the cedar chest but no takers so far. I plan to get pictures and ads of the buffet and china cabinet up along with a few other pieces. Might as well plan for the worst and hope for the best. If I do have to leave in a hurry, might as well lighten the load. I have to go through all my closets and bring my suits to the resale shop. Most of my good clothes no longer fit and because the reduction was sooooo radical, taking them in is not an option.

It ain't over yet...

This week I revisit my old friends the oncologist and the radiologist...oh yeah, and the dentist. I should be fine but it will be nice to hear the blood work is all normal. I should find out this afternoon whether or not I have a roommate. She is at her interview as we speak and my hopes and prayers are with her. Her getting a job would help both of us. I have now officially scaled back the resume to bare bones, such as only listing the BA, with the understanding that I am willing to do just about anything and everything else is irrelevant. I do not need a fancy degree to answer phones and do filing...LOL

So, bbq beef is in the freezer and the next project is lasagna. I am thinking I will only put spinach in it and not zucchini because the zucchini may not freeze as well. I will make a small batch with and freeze it as a test run.

Food obsessed

Now that I can taste things and my teeth are temporarily fixed enough to eat carefully, I find myself obsessed with eating and with food. I don't eat to just stuff my face, but any small craving I get becomes a cooking and eating adventure. I picked apples at a local park and turned them into caramel apple cheesecake. Mere mention of bbq beef at mom's for dinner sent me flying for the cheap pot roasts that make for great bbq beef. (The double batch I made is sitting in the fridge waiting for me to pull out the fat and bones!) Thoughts of spinach/zucchini lasagna dance through my head. I am using the hell out of the freezer out back to freeze up individual portions or dinner party portions of everything so I won't have to cook when I go back to work. Note, I did not say "IF" I go back to work :-)

Yesterday I met with the director for the Evanston Piccolo Theater and it seems I might become a member of the board. He took me for lunch at an exquisite Italian bistro where I ordered a salad. Roasted red peppers, marinated fresh mushrooms, and just a small sprinkle of the most amazing and buttery goat cheese I have ever had. What made it perfect was the cappuccino at the end. Starbucks has NOTHING on a real cappuccino served in a real Italian restaurant.

I am planning a trip today to the farmers market in Evanston for some of the last of the season harvest. I do not think I have eaten enough real tomatoes to make up for the first half of the summer where I could not taste them.

I know you like me enough...

to say I am a great person who does great things if anyone calls looking for a reference. Please ask them what position it is for because I am applying to everything from legal assistant or administrative assistant to attorney. I have taken the JD and MBA off all of the non-attorney resumes as it throws up a huge red flag. I don't want to necessarily explain in my cover letter that I am now over breast cancer and desperate for a job. I figure I can save that for the face-to-face interview :-) I am not lying to anyone, I am just cutting back to the bare bones. By my calculations I have about another month of unemployment and then I am being cut lose. All is fair in love and job hunting! For the record, I try to make it a habit to shoot a quick email to anyone I might use as a reference so they are not blindsided out of left field.

I have decided to stay

I am staying put for now, which does not preclude eviction, because I just am not up to moving. I went ahead and bit the bullet and paid my October rent. I do not have a job lined up and I do not have a roommate, but what I do have is faith that everything will work out in the end. Cliff is fighting the retirement issue, in that he forwarded a copy of the most recent order saying the money was to be put into a trust account for the boys and I, so when the order is ruled on next month he will wind up owing me a huge chunk of change. I may be postponing the inevitable, as to the eviction issue, but I feel ok about it.

Someone asked me the other day if I would rather have a great job or a great love life. Without even blinking an eye I answered that I would rather have a career! I am now focused on getting that started and the heck with all the rest.