OMG the Bra! I blame Oprah!!

Earlier in the year, I decided that I was going to give myself a head-to-toe makeover and start a whole new life. It all began with a waxing that left NOTHING below the waist (I KNOW, TMI!) I got myself a pedicure, a manicure and a few new tops. The ONLY thing missing was matching bra and pantie sets.

A few years ago, Oprah started this tradition of about once a year telling women that they were almost all wearing the wrong size bra. Oprah claimed that by being measured for the proper size bra and then wearing said item, your life would be magically transformed into a life of joy and fulfillment. This was exactly what I needed in my life! I was never flat chested, but for years now, I have been wearing a 42DD sports bra from Lane Bryant. They didn't really fit, but they were comfy and if my boobs got smashed together and formed a permanent rash between them (I KNOW, TMI!) so be it. They came in a number of colors and the patterned ones went on clearance now and then. So, armed with the knowledge that the perfect bra was all I needed, I went to Lane Bryant to be measured by a professional.

I was informed that I was a 38I. That comes after D, DD, DDD, E, F, G, H, I. I KNOW!! Normally if a woman's cup size is that big, the band size will match. A 48DD is far more common then a 38GG-the UK size (or I in the US). It was like trying to buy a pair of pants with a size 2 waist and a size 16 ass. I refused to accept this and left in tears.

Btw, although many stores claim to carry larger sizes online, they are never in stock. So, having heard from a woman that there was a special store on Michigan Ave. called Intimacy, that carried hard to find sizes, I bit the bullet and saved my pennies, fully aware this would set me back at LEAST $75 per bra. When I was finally able to make an appointment, it was finally confirmed that yes, I was a 38GG. They had a WHOLE DRAWER full of bras my size in pretty colors and lace and styles. Of that whole drawer, exactly ONE fit me properly. So, with one black lace bra (yeah, totally practical to wear under anything) and a bottle of bra wash, I left the store again in tears and with $89 less in my pocket.

I have NEVER been so suicidal in my life. No wonder nothing fit, I was a freak of nature. Knowing my true bra size DID NOT transform my life in a good way. The bra is still in the bag, on my dresser, never worn. It sits and mocks me. I never had the desire or the occasion to wear it. Now, I don't have to.