Present Tense or My Third Trip to This R O D E O

I almost forgot to mention that they had only recently (beginning of Sept. ish) ruled out uterus cancer. They had no idea what was causing such heavy bleeding or such horrible cramps, but all parties involved agreed this was NOT a good thing.

Bringing it forward to September 27th of this year, I was sent forth for my annual mammogram. The VA no longer performs mammograms, or so it appears, so I was sent to Loyola Breast Health Clinic (Boobs R' Us). They seemed very professional and I was given a very thorough screening. A very short time later I was called to say that they had found a conspicuous lump in my left breast. I was not surprised to hear this and kinda blew it off. The nurse went on to say that because the lump was so troublesome, they wanted to schedule me to come back ASAP. Because this was being done through the VA, "immediately" became Oct. 23. My boobs were being "recalled". Apparently all of my parts were beginning to wear out.

Because I had been here, done this, I was not too concerned until I read that the small indentation I had noticed on the underside of my left boob was one of the big indicators of cancer and it meant REALLY NOT GOOD things. Armed with this knowledge, I made arrangements to spend the night before the mammogram at Mom's so she could take me the next day. During this period I had mentioned to Mom that while I was not so terribly upset, it would suck if things went south. (No pun intended.)

On Oct. 23, my worst fears were confirmed. Even I could tell from the original mammogram that things were far worse then I was led to believe. The lump was both highly discernable and appeared to have sprouted legs. It was obviously invasive and I was not medically trained. Little thoughts that had crept into my head in the past few weeks came at me like a freight train.

This could kill me! This would devastate the boys! I was going to die alone with no one special in my life! No one would be there to take care of me! I was broke already but this was not doable from a financial standpoint! OMG! OMG! OMG!